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• In thinking about what I want in a partner, I have been wondering about how my parent's relationship (or lack there of at certain times) has changed and probably sabotaged my premises for romance. My parents fought a lot when I was little.  Throwing furniture across the room kind of fights.  I used to cry, huddled under my blankets, praying to god that they wouldn't get a divorce.  When I was older, it seemed like the fights had given way to a sort of apathy.  My mom would make jabs at my father about him and their relationship, and my dad would be devotedly, dutifully silent.  Now, I've expressed my dislike of my mother's comments, and she's stopped.  Since my brother moved out, my parents have actually started "dating" eachother again and doing cute household projects together.  :)  But tonight on the phone, while talking to my mom about my recent break up with M, she said that she doesn't have sex anymore... and I wondered about my parents sleeping in separate beds for most of my life... and how that might have shaped some of my premises for romance.  How did that effect my "love story"?
• I need to remember to talk to myself like I would to my best friend.
• Why do I want a "manly man" and then try to change his style? 
• How will I deal with loneliness?

I got the strangest compliment the other day from a coworker/friend at school.  He stopped in the hallway, cocked his head to the side and said, puzzeled, "You look especially good today.  I don't know why...? but you do..."  Then, he kind of stumbled over his words trying to say that of course I always look good... which was pretty funny because he was not very smooth.  :)

I'm pretty sure it was the 10 lbs I've lost this month. 

AND, it could also be that losing those 10 lbs has inspired me to get much cuter before going to work!  :)

1. Today, I also created my online gradebooks for all three courses I'm teaching. 
2. I completely updated the gradebook for one of my classes for the week tonight at work. 
3. While working at Shabazz, I met with a Feng Shui specialist who helped me come up with a plan to rearrange, declutter, and paint my classroom!  It is going to be really exciting.
4. I worked on lesson planning for grammar, poetry, and Dystopian futures classes that I'm teaching.  I'm trying to get a little more than one day ahead of the game this quarter --- along with my other goals.

Fostering the development of life-long learners:

When I was a child my mother would have to force me to turn off the lights in my room at night, not because I was afraid of the dark, but because my nose was stuck in my latest novel while I pleaded, "Just one more page!" with no intention of quitting.  

It is this love of learning that drove me to be a high achiever and an advocate for myself in my own education.  I believe that having a love for knowledge and a curiousity about the world is essential to one's educational success.  Without it, a student feels no greater motivation to succeed in school than an assembly line worker waiting to "clock out" at the end of his or her shift.  Because of this belief, I have always tried to guide students towards finding enjoyment in their learning.

Enjoying learning has become somewhat of an oxymoron in schools.  However, I believe that student enjoyment and motivation can be built through student successes in the classroom.  Through a balance of student- and teacher-lead learning experiences, students see their success.  Through engaging, differentiated, problem-based learning, students become engaged in critical thinking and the writing process.  These core concepts (balance, differentiation, problem-based learning, and critical thinking) are central to my teaching philosophy academically and in practice.  

For in depth examination of how these core concepts play into my teaching philosophy and curriculum, follow the links below:

A balance of student- and teacher- led learning experiences:

I believe that one of the ways in which a teacher can foster a student's interest in learning is through building student success.  It is unlikely one will become engaged in an activity that is contrary to one's identity, impossibly difficult, or makes one "feel stupid."  However, if students can see progress and improvement in their intelligence and abilities, this will allow them to break through those barriers to education.  

Helping students to create and see authentic progress in their education can be done through effective pedagogy that is balanced between student- and teacher-led learning experiences.  This balance depends on the level of knowledge that students bring to the classroom and their interest in the content.  Teachers cannot view or treat students as if they are a "tablura rasa" or a sponge that a teacher fills with knowledge.  Teachers must value students' unique and individual backgrounds, heritages, and experiences while also guiding students towards the tools valued in the academic world.  

In the classroom, this balance can take place over long-term units, the entire semester, and day to day activities.  Teacher-led learning experiences, such as lectures, question and answer sessions, and read alouds, can be very useful tools in creating scaffolding.  After students' learning has been scaffolded, students can be gradually released into student-led learning (such as small group discussions, literature circles, independant projects, and writer's workshops).  The balance of student- and teacher-led learning experiences gives students the chance to build knowledge (through teacher-led learning) and then apply that knowledge to activities and products (through student-led educational experiences).  These activities and products give students the bolster of success that is needed to create a positive school-related identity.

The reasons I chose to teach English:

In addition to maintaining student engagement, I believe it is also the duty of a teacher to have foresight to see a student's needs in the short-term and long-term of their educational career.  As I mentioned in my autobiography, I believe that critical thinking and inquiry are two of the most important facets of education. These skills are valuable beyond the walls of high school or even college, and they are an essential tool for students to become members of society, citizens in this country, and intelligent consumers, regardless of what their educational plans may be.

English teachers are in a unique position to foster these skills in their students.  Teacher-led educational experiences help build understanding of these skills, such as modeling the thought processes required to analyze texts and write essays. Authentic, student-led investigation also develops these critical thinking skills through practice.  When students are engaged in the detective work behind building conclusions and finding symbolism in texts, this experience can form the critical inquiry skills necessary for students later in life. Through essay writing, students also learn to support arguments and interpretations of their findings with pertinent and relevant information. The ability to form and support conclusions with evidence is an essential life skill that few other disciplines promote with the same rigor as English. 

Bean?

Through the study of English, students practice these crucial life abilities, and this is what drew me to complete a Bachelor of Arts in English Literature at UW-Madison. By sharpening argumentation, writing, and investigation skills, English teachers have the ability to improve the quality of their student's lives.

How I hope to accomplish these ideals:

In order to achieve these ideals in both literary and linguistic courses, I plan to utilize many different pedagogical approaches to teaching writing, reading, and critical thinking in an attempt to create democratic equality in my classrooms for all students. I hope to share my enjoyment of English literature with students by employing a variety of learning styles, intelligences, and opportunities for student self-determination in the classroom.

At the center of my teaching philosophy is the belief that all students should have equal educational opportunity. It is the teacher's responsibility to foster student learning through differentiated, multi-level, multi-sensory curriculum that challenges all students. All students should be held to high expectations and given the means to meet those expectations through education. Through my teaching experiences in middle and high school, I have found that students respond much better when the teacher holds high expectations for them.

In order to help students achieve their personal best, I believe that it is important to have a strong rapport with students that is based on genuine caring and knowledge of the student's educational goals. Through supportive classrooms, teachers can create and enhance a sense of safety and community in the school, which is necessary to foster learning and personal growth in students.

Long-term plan for teaching:

Today has started to feel like a brutally long day.  

Although I would have to pat myself on the back and say I'm taking it all in stride pretty well, today has been decidedly shitty.  Today, while still suffering from intermittent stabbing pains in my abdomin, I was gently scolded by my Cooperating Teacher (which was so embarrassing and hurt my ego so much!), my former teacher and mentor under cut me and went behind my back to steal a gig from me, and I remembered that I need to pay a parking ticket (amongst many other bills that are due soon) I got last week.

To shift my focus to the sunnier patches, at least my day been mostly productive - I ran a very good literature circle in my classroom today, I graded all of my student's lit circle assignments (and didn't put it off until the weekend!), I problem-solved with my troupe's artistic director to help her plan out next semester, I worked, I got a RAISE!, I found some Xmas presents online for hard-to-buy-for people, and I made breakfast for myself this morning.

*sigh*  There was a lot of other stuff in between those things that made this day seem long, but I'm really trying hard not to focus on that stuff right now...

I know I'm whiney.  But I'm tired.  I'm on hour 14, and I still have two more to go before I get to go home...

I am from the deep recesses of my grandmother’s pantry, from freshly scrubbed brown linoleum, from grape sandwiches and homemade pancakes on TV trays in the morning.

I am from the house of seven gables, the old stone fireplace in Grandma Shirley’s den, the make shift pine tree playhouses in our yard.

I am from Grandma’s wild irises – white and purple bursting forth from underneath her house, from the carefully tended baby pink peonies in our front lawn.

I am from opening presents early on Christmas Eve and cowlick eyebrows, from interpretive dances to Kenny Rogers records after Sunday dinners, from Muraskis and Johnsons, from sturdy handmade houses and stout people.

I am from the growl of my father’s “guaurantee” and my mother’s hand covering her wrinkled nose when she laughs.

From myths about children getting sent to live under the porch when they’re naughty and playing cowboy and Indian tag with my brother.

I am from singing Beach Boy’s Christmas carols in the living room with an evergreen tree that bursts forth into kitchen, shelves, and blocks the TV, from my mother’s wax replicas of angels with little red “0’s” as mouths.

I'm from the Northwoods and venison steaks, venison hamburgers, venison sausages, and mother’s venison casseroles. 

From the “local color” in black spandex on a road bike at fifty - the conservative law enforcement officer turned vegetarian bike racer by his children, and the power walker next to him - caretaker, stay-at-home-mom, teacher, with taper-legged jeans, mismatched purple “birkes,” and Halloween pumpkin socks.

I am from Grandma Dorothy’s darkroom, from Grandpa Dick’s woodshop in the basement with the soft crush of wood shavings on concrete, from the deer trails that lead to the whooshing, gushing river near my father’s hunting shack, from steaming apple dumplings on Sundays at “The Dinner Bell” diner.

Sitting on

The faded yellow carpeting of my bedroom in my parent’s house

I promised to love you forever,

But the awkward teenage nakedness between us

behind the closed oak bedroom door, and the way

your light brown hair was haloed in the

sunlight, are all that I remembered to keep.


The stained glass
Cast red and yellow shadows across my path.
"I promised to love you forever,"
I ran both hands along the vacant pews,
buried my fingers in the plush red carpeting,
climbed the stairs to sit in the choir,
"God, I went to your house..." my hands outstretched to the sky--
"it was empty."
Only my loneliness kept there.

Staring at myself

in the beauty parlor mirror, I asked her to
cut my hair shorter
and shorter
and shorter, as if 
the scissors on my lifeless brown locks
were scaling the side of
some indeterminable mountain.  My Grief.
"I promised to love YOU..."  I looked at 
myself, a head as shorn as a child's 
with nothihg but fuzzy hair kept.


Languidly laying
on the checkered kitchen tablecloth
her mug of cold tea, long steeped.
My lidded eyes wake to
The sound of her brown,
slender feet softly scuffing the kitchen floor.
"Wife," I started,
"I promise to always--" but 
the slamming of the back door and 
clunking boots on the wooden stairs
keeps my words from her.